She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize