why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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