He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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