The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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