I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
