i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
