we're blogging at a bar
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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