morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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