life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
