The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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