I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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