Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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