no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
