you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
