I just pynch a tree in the face
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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