Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
