yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
