Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
