they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
