I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize