Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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