I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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