I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
