Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
