I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
