Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize