she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
two words...techno handjob
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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