He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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