Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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