happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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