ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
