I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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