I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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