I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
