Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
