hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
