Porn is love you can see.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
