WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
