When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
