remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
