Can Purell be used as lube?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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