im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
