its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
