Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
