so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
