2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
