yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
