Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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