I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
