yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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