I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
how does that bad decision feel?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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