Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I need to calm my uterus...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
