Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize