i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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