I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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