Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
