i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Drunk is not a location!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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