i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
