yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Two words: blizzard sex
i out mim tonsoeep
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize