Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
