dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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