she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize