Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize