I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
