Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
