I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
