Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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