If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize